Grace Doesn’t Keep Score
Peter asks Jesus, “How many times do I have to forgive?” I have to admit, I like Peter’s question. I can replay a conversation in my head. I can remember exactly what someone said, how it made me feel, and what I wish I’d said back. I can tell myself I have moved on and then realize, nope, apparently I am still carrying that one around.
Peter suggests seven times.
Honestly, seven sounds pretty good to me. Jesus basically says, “Stop counting.” That is harder. I preach grace all the time. I believe deeply in grace. I believe that God meets us in our mess, forgives us, loves us, and keeps calling us forward.
Living that same grace with other people is sometimes a whole different story. Because some hurts are small.
Some are not.
Some people apologize.
Some never will.
I don't believe forgiveness means pretending something didn't hurt. I do not believe Jesus asks us to stay in unhealthy relationships or keep allowing someone to hurt us. Boundaries can be faithful too. But I do think Jesus knows what happens when I keep carrying the scorecard around.
Eventually, it gets heavy and the person I am keeping score against may not even know I am still carrying it. Meanwhile, I am the one holding all of that anger, frustration, and hurt. So maybe forgiveness is not always one big moment where everything suddenly feels better.
Maybe sometimes it is simply saying:
“God, I am tired of carrying this.”
Sometimes that might be the whole prayer.
There have been times in my life when grace has come easily, and times when it has taken a very long time. I think that is okay. I am learning that forgiveness can happen slowly.
A little today.
A little more tomorrow.
And maybe eventually I realize I am not keeping score anymore.
Thank goodness God does not keep score with me. Because I need that grace every single day and maybe that is where forgiveness begins—not with pretending the hurt did not happen, but remembering how much grace I have already received. God to help me loosen my grip just a little.